Have you ever looked up to someone only to feel like they've failed you? I recently discovered the source of a deep-seated resentment that I've had for a long time. One of my sisters does a lot of the things I like to do, and she is more skilled than I am at doing those things. She is also older than me. Naturally, I look up to her and hope to be as good as her someday. However, instead of stopping there, I also chose to elevate her (whether it was conscious or not) above myself spiritually, expecting her to live up to the level I'd put her at. It was like building a castle of cards. Every time a puff of air came along, it fell over. That is why, when she does something that I deem immature, I feel like she's failed me. She's supposed to be my example. She's supposed to know exactly how everything she says will come across. She's supposed to live up to my expectations. Instead, since no one is perfect, and often my perception is wrong, I can become angry that she didn't do what she was supposed to do. It's not a big anger, but if you're like me it builds up over time and explodes eventually.
So here's what I was doing wrong. I was elevating my sister in my mind to a place above what a human can maintain. She can't always know if her words will come across right, just like I usually don't know. Nobody can be perfect, so why should I expect her to always get things right? Mark 10:18 says, And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? There is none good but one, that is, God. Since only God can be good, I ought to be content that she doesn't do or say rude things to me deliberately. I ought to treat her like a human.
I do not mean I should stop valuing her opinion, I just mean I have exalted her too high and ought to be giving her leeway in my heart to get some things wrong. Fortunately, (although nothing is left up to fortune) we do have someone we can exalt far above ourselves and who will never fail us. Psalm 99:5 says, Exalt ye the LORD our God, and worship at his footstool; for he is holy. His holiness is his set apart perfection. He only is perfect, and he only deserves our praise and adoration. Psalm 29:2 says, Give unto the LORD the glory due unto his name; worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness.
Grudges always hurt the person holding them more than who they are against. I have learned this firsthand from several experiences. So, I asked God for help with this resentment I discovered. He took a load off of my chest when he helped me realize it was something that could be fixed. It will also make my relationship with this sister to be much deeper instead of aloof. I hope this article made for some good spiritual food for thought. May we be exalting only God this month and every month after.
